That is very, very high….at least when you have one of those days when you actually would like to throw everything away, quit your job, send your husband and kids to the other side of the planet and you could just get lost in an ocean of tears.
Is in these cases when I wonder if sometimes we just do too much. Read too much, socialize too much. Overstimulated. We are afraid of silence and of our own company. And I wonder, is the sky where I want to end up? Or is it here, with my feet on the ground enjoying the fact that I breath?
The answer is not a pattern, a dogma that we all can follow. Because many of us tend to relate silence with nothing. And nothing seems like an empty word but, is it?
I have been thinking a lot lately, because after my giant breakdown (no wait, it was a major closure) my body forced me to stop. I didn’t want to at first, it was a process of pushing myself further, trying to show that I can do exactly the same things as other (seem to) do.
From this big crash, forced into staying in bed for many weeks, not being able of talking on the phone, going out or even eat what I needed, I survived.
And I survived because my body and my mind were restarted. And those two together in a wonderful simbiosis gave me a huge hint. Stop, woman. Just stop. So silence and do nothing has become a part of my life these last months. I have to admit that they were very unpleasant companions at first. Uninvited, just staying there staring at me. I was really good at avoiding them for many years. I tried to shut them up by getting into more activities, new jobs, new relationships.
But they were always there. Always screaming in the background.
I finally made peace with them because I couldn’t either run or hide anymore. Silence is a wonderful tool, I got to know a person that i hadn’t talked to for years: Me. My body, my mind and I have been together through a wonderful journey of getting along. We base our friendship in respect, love and communication.
At the end of the day then, as a part of this new path, I always give them some time. In the same way I give my kids a lot of time, my work, my studies and my friends. I have included silence and doing nothing as my new friends.
Sometimes we want to reach the sky, and sure we can. If we remember to take a breath or two on our way there.