When am I good enough?

Here I am again searching again for job. As in many aspects of life, my resumé can show how my life has been the past ten years. A puzzle.

But though in the last six months I have been standing mentally stronger than ever before, I am on the edge right now. Searching job is a process of exposure, marketing and competition. And certainly any of those three words describe me even near.

My problem comes in deciding the amount that I can give from myself through those words to the world. Though having a lot of years getting university studies, three degrees, fourteen years of experience in the field of abilities and disabilities…I can’t get it.

Many times I get really pissed off because I am more than what I am able of putting in my CV. Even having blogg, webpage, you name it, I feel I am being reduced to some words in order to impress somebody else. In order of showing the world who am I.

And please, don’t even get me started with interview processes, when you can go straight to the trap of following all these advices about “How to dress for your dream work”, “The ten questions you should never ask in an interviu” or “Rules to show the best sides of you, make it to the topp”. Sitting there feeling like a little bacteria trying to get your way to the brain…yes! all the way to the top. I am tired of trying to play the rules in this world to show that I am a succesful person. I’m not playing anymore.

But now…I struggle and I am continuously in fase 1. Trying to decide what I am good for. Should I apply for jobs that I find ethically doubtfull? Should I apply for jobs just because the title is socially accepted and will look nice in my resumé? Can I work in a place with people that puts more effort in following the rules than helping others?

Maybe this is the price I have to pay for being a dreamer. For following my ethical compass and really caring for people. Because I want everybody having the same opportunities as me and I want a job where I can help others to live the life they want.

At this particular point, I really don’t know where am I going to end up…..but yes, I know now. I am good enough. And I will keep on searching for a job because I want to make a difference, and my knowledgement and experience can be used of others to live.


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