It might be I need a nice vacation. Or that I have been sleeping in a couch for too many nights now. But the truth is that today I felt like I was going to explode at work.
It has happened before in smaller doses, having this feeling of nothing making sense while trying to help other people that happen to be patients at the hospital I work at. Sometimes I thought that my colleagues don’t react because we have so much to do. Many other times I thought that I might be overreacting when I engage in helping somebody that for me clearly needs more assistance that we or the local system offers them. Other times I feel unadequate when I realize that people just need peace.
But today I felt actually like crying. Crying of despair for having lost contact with our humanity.
Many people see patients from their own professional point of view, taking no responsability for consequences in time. People are not defragmented puzzles that we can study to put them back together again.
We are human beings. Despite our efforts to understand the human body through thoroughly study and alienation from its parts, we still need to engage as a professionals seeing persons as a whole. It puts me in a lot of distress when some individuals at work do their part of the job just not caring about the outcome.
It is true that we have to evaluate how our patiens cope with a new fase in their lifes after accidents and injuries, but we can easily forget that our tests and measurements cannot reach our humanness.
As a psychopedagogist I test how intact basic skills are in adults after an injury. But I always get in touch with the part of them that shows me how life can feels insecure and uncertain. When major changes happens to us, every inch of our lifes can turn around leaving us feeling undefended. Naked. Exposed.
And then again as a professinal I have to cope with the distress of surviving in a NPM-based system where individuals look after their own careers and goals. Today I saw the whole day in fast forward, not being able to breath, not being able to get grounded.
I wanted to scream but I have no more words left. I can’t defragmentate humans beings anymore. I can’t live untouched by other people’s lifes. I can’t survive in a system that just thinks about production and not about holding a hand while we just sit down and listen.
This way of defragmentating people doesn’t resonate to me. My soul screams for more. Thaat is why I don’t intend to let some opiniate people tell me that I am too engaged or that I care too much. Nobody has ever cared too much, I think that is actually the opposite.
We drown in our jobs just to survive, and we have forgotten to live and lift others on our way to nowhere. I don’t want to become cynical, I want the rest to take back their humanness while we drop budgets, statistics and profit.
Let’s take our humanness back.